I have had some kind of dating app on my phone for the past six years, on and off, starting with Tinder. While I am currently on a dating app hiatus, I thought I’d take this time to share the funniest dating app story I can think of, because I think about it occasionally and it kills me every time.
Before I get started, I’d like to let you all know that this is not my story. It is a very embarrassing story about my friend, who told me I could tell anyone I wanted to, as long as I made it clear that she has a master’s degree, so she’s at least booksmart if she’s not entirely street smart. Or smart-smart.
I realize that there’s no way for me to prove to you that this is not my story. But you’ll just have to trust me.
Anyway, the year was 2014. This friend and I were both living at home as we finished out college, and were working together at a childcare center within a gym. She told me about this new app she had downloaded, where you could swipe through guys near you like it was a menu, and match with them when there was shared interest.
A week later, we were in the middle of a shift* when she told me about a guy she matched with. “I think he plays Prince Charming at Disneyland**!” she said excitedly.
“Wow,” I said. “I hope it goes well!”
A few days later, we were hanging out, when I asked her what happened with the guy. I wish I had screenshots to share with you, but my painstaking transcription of their conversation, which has been burned into my brain, and which I will undoubtedly tell my grandchildren about, will have to do.
Tinder Guy: Hey!
My Friend: Hey! Are you Prince Charming?
I’d like to pause here. If you were a cocky twenty-something guy on an app – hell, if you were any kind of guy on an app – what would you think here? You’d think she was flirting. And you’d be right to.
TG: Haha, I must be.
MF: No, seriously. Do you work at Disneyland?
TG: No? Do you work at Disneyland?
MF: No… What’s with the Prince Charming costume?
TG: I’m in the Navy.
HE WAS IN THE NAVY. I wonder if he thinks about this as much as I do. I truly wish that I could meet him and talk about this interaction, and see if it changed his life as fundamentally as it changed mine.
Navy boy, if you’re out there. Please contact me. I have so many questions.
*No children were around, FYI.
**Note: we were living in southern California at the time, not far from Anaheim, so this was entirely possible.